David Pankau's blog

2008 is a very happy year for the Chinese people because of the number 8. I was sceptical about superstition like that but surprisingly this particular year did turn out to be a crucial break-through for me.

The year started very well because I bought my dream little house, with the help of a huge mortgage, of course! But, at least I was living in my own property not answerable to landlords even if it did mean going into debt. Also, in terms of being self-employed, all of the hard leg-work I had put into building up my reputation had finally come to fruition so my job was never better. I started to see my destiny and map the direction that my life was going to take. In short, I was very happy. Until one day when I found out that I had cancer. I have to say that I did breakdown; I was very angry, constantly asking myself ‘why me?’ Although it was 2008, the lucky year, and I was still young I was in tears. But even to get to this breakthrough moment was not at all straightforward; it was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do in my life. To explain what I mean I will have to go back to the very beginning………

It started with an itchy arse which came and went but, when it was there, the itching was so intense that I felt a pleasure in scratching that almost made me want to peel off my own skin. The next thing was the profuse perspiration; I had to change my pillow and clothes and dry myself off with a towel as the sweat was pouring into my eyes. Another change was extreme tiredness. At the end of the day when I got home from work, I felt 80 or even 120 years old! I had pain everywhere and a slight temperature, a bit like having the flu or another virus. But then I would wake up the next morning feeling perfectly fine. This cycle would happen two or three times a week.

The next stage of the illness was the cough. I felt it was coming from deep within my lungs rather than my throat. I’ve never been one to go to the doctors with a broken nail so at first I was reluctant to make a visit but this time I felt there were so many things wrong with me I couldn’t ignore it. So, for the first time, I went to the doctor and described my symptoms. She listened but that was all she did. There was no check-up, no tests or any follow-up visits, just a prescription for antacids! The doctor thought my ailments were simply a result of stress or a fast-paced life and were not at all out of the ordinary. Amazingly, I did feel a little bit better after taking the stomach remedy. But then my cough became constant and I began to be sick with phlegm. After 48 hours of agony, I didn’t have the strength to cough any more so I went to casualty. They did examine me and suspected TB. Antibiotics were prescribed and this medicine too seemed to help me a bit but the cough soon returned so I went back to casualty. A referral was made to the chest clinic which I subsequently attended. Finally two months later I had a CT scan. When the scan results came back the doctor explained to me that I didn’t have TB but that I did have lumps in various places in my body so the next course of action should be a biopsy. I waited another week for the appointment letter but it didn’t arrive. Feeling more and more anxious and in pain, I couldn’t wait any longer and took matters into my own hands with the help of family and friends. I put my symptoms into an Internet search engine and there it was in black and white; cancer. And that was the breakthrough date in that crucial year of 2008.

Now that I had found out the truth about my illness (even though I had never received the appointment letter or been given an official diagnosis), my parents organised a biopsy for me in Poland. I received the results two weeks later. I presented them immediately to the haematologist and I received chemo the same day; there was no time to lose. The results and the delay in diagnosis made the prognosis look bleak but I decided there I was no point crying over spilt milk. I would have to pull myself together and start to fight the cancer head-on. This is how I entered the next stage of my life. Healing myself by fighting the disease both mentally and physically – fighting with both body and mind.

Special thanks to Sue Harrison and  Gill Coulton.